Are you still beating yourself over that brownie you ate yesterday? Had “too many” potato chips? Cut yourself a little slack. In these hard times, it is so important to try not to beat yourself up about your poor food choices, lack of exercise or overall laziness that may have set in. Instead, try to start and recognize even the smallest of accomplishments.
Situation: “I’ve been quarantined all week, and I can’t stop myself from eating or drinking wine.” “I can’t believe I still haven’t gotten out of pajamas in 12 days.” “I can’t stop looking at my belly, I am definitely going to come out 5-10 pounds heavier after this quarantine”.
Obviously, it’s not just chips or wine, feel free to substitute these words for anything; it could be chocolate, cake, online shopping or even sitting glued to your television and not being motivated enough to exercise. As human beings, we are conditioned to want to escape uncomfortable situations and feelings. We use these guilty pleasures as a survival tactic to self-soothe, distract or comfort ourselves during stressful situations. Rather than recognize our amazing abilities to take care of ourselves through this ‘protection’, we get stuck in a vicious cycle of food shaming and obsessing over our poor choices. Now more than ever, it is important to learn how to stop being apologetic for utilizing crutches. Even baby steps will get you to the end of your road.
Simple Steps to learn how to forgive yourself around Imbalance:
Treat yourself as you would treat others – Do you remember the time when your best friend was upset about something she did, how you were comforting her? How did you react in this situation? Were you as harsh and critical towards her? It is human nature to comfort someone we love or care about with compassion and kindness, as these two traits are essential for a healthy social relationship. Try directing this compassion inward to begin to help you forgive yourself.
Focus on your emotions – In order to forgive ourselves and move forward, we need to understand and recognize why these emotions have been triggered in the first place and learn to be accepting of them. The underlying reason why you chose a certain behavior pattern. For example, ask yourself - why did I not feel like exercising? Understanding the ‘why’ to your problem will help you decide how to go about breaking the cycle. Were you tired? Was the task a bit too insurmountable at the moment- say you wanted to go for a run on a boardwalk? Try settling for a run around the block first. Getting in a car and committing to a run might be a bit much for today.
Have a conversation with your inner critic - Remind yourself of moments from the past when you were able to maintain that balance. Speak to yourself and revisit something you previously enjoyed; something which kept you occupied or distracted in a healthy way. It could be “I used to have vegetables/fruits daily”, “I used to dance/sing to feel more relaxed”, or “reading this book always helps ease my mind”. Try utilizing some of these routines to help you get back on track.
Quit playing the blame game – it’s human nature to ponder over what happened or what we did. When you notice yourself condemning yourself - “I shouldn’t have eaten this” or “I feel gross”, tell your negative voice to shut the **** up. Pondering over what happened will stop you from moving forward.
Come up with your own personal list – For a few, having a small diary or your own personal list of your strengths and skills you appreciate about yourself could help you get back to your usual routine. This list could be used as the template to remind you what you are in fact quite capable of.
Don’t compare the current situation to the past or worry about the future – No one anticipated these hard times, so stop comparing it to the past or stress yourself out by thinking about the future. Live in the present and think of the good occurring right now. At the end of the day if you follow even one or two of these steps to get rid of your current imbalance, that in itself is a success.
Dalia Abott, LMSW RD is a Registered Dietitian and Social Worker with a private practice in Woodmere. She specializes in adolescent and family therapy with a focus on Eating Disorders, Body Image and Self-Esteem. She can be reached at (718) 490-9232 or DaliaKAbott@gmail.com.