Anyone who has ever tried to break a habit knows that it is not always easy. Whether it is living a healthier lifestyle, quitting smoking, or having more patience for your children; it requires a tremendous amount of time, dedication and discipline. It can be downright exhausting and quite emotionally draining when you do not see the results you anticipated and are left feeling defeated.
As a specialist working with Eating Disorders, patients will often express that they are incapable at achieving true recovery. They feel the pull towards the eating disorder is too strong, which is further validated when their attempts at change of behaviors have not been successful. To truly achieve success, it is important to understand three key elements in the process of change; readiness, barriers, and expectations.
Becoming ready to make a significant change has many moving parts to it. It is during this initial stage of change that we see the first three processes occurring; Pre-contemplation, Contemplation and Preparation. In the first, one might not be fully aware that there is a problem behavior. They may or may not experience discomfort around an issue, but have yet to clearly isolate what it may be. Most are not thinking seriously about changing and are not interested in receiving any kind of help. This is where you will see behaviors that are very connected with denial and avoidance of recognizing there is a problem.
Acknowledgment of a problem begins during contemplation, and we see a curiosity of what possible solutions could be. Awareness around the problem behavior and its personal consequences begin. However, the focus tends to stay more on the problem rather than the solution and a strong sense of ambivalence kicks in. Oftentimes, people can feel “stuck” and hopeless that they cannot accomplish the work necessary to achieve the change. It is important to help a person stay away from vacillating over the issue and gently try to be encouraged towards moving towards the preparation stage of change.
During preparation, one begins to layout the blueprint for what steps need to happen. I often refer to this time as the investigation phase where information is collected that will allow someone to begin to see what works and what might not work. Most important here is to avoid taking shortcuts which will decrease your chance of success. If someone jumps straight into action without thinking it through, they are often met with frustration over not succeeding. It is at this stage that we lay the foundation down to help avoid feelings of inadequacy that are truly misdirected feelings around lack of preparation.
Barriers and expectations are managed through the last three stages of change; Action, Maintenance and Relapse. Surprisingly, action can sometimes be the shortest of all stages. Once one gets into the “doing phase’ there is an inner motivation that allows them to keep going. Oftentimes, the change is visible to those around them, and the idea of positive reinforcement is introduced when compliments and validation are given. It becomes easier to ask for and receive help because there is a sense of self confidence that is achieved through seeing one’s own accomplishments.
Maintenance is the stage in which a new status quo is achieved. Learning to avoid temptations and becoming aware of what barriers could potentially sabotage success is very important at this time. Recognizing that easy and quick changes are not ideal is imperative. Patience and self-acceptance are key practices that allow for someone to stay the course.
The final stage of successful change is relapse, an often overlooked part of the process. Learning that it will sometimes be one step up and two steps backwards is important. Helping one to recognize how far they have come is crucial in allowing them to move past any feelings of shame and disappointment that accompany relapse. Setbacks will happen, and preparing for them is highly beneficial to the overall process of change.
As Alan Watts so beautifully said; “the only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”. Dance my sweet friends, dance.
Dalia Abott, LMSW RD is a Registered Dietitian and Social Worker with a private practice in Woodmere. She specializes in adolescent and family therapy with a focus on Eating Disorders, Body Image and Self-Esteem. She can be reached at (718) 490-9232 or DaliaKAbott@gmail.com.